May 2013
4 posts
“I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, thinks I’m the best...”
– Hannah (Girls)
May 23rd
115 notes
May 20th
46 notes
1 tag
Man of my dreams.
All I want is to find a nice, strong man that will take me out to dinner, carry me home, lay me down and then let me sleep for 10 hours straight.
May 7th
whydoihaveablog: givemeajobplease: Someday some handsome gentleman is going to find it adorable when I scream profanities at the newscaster talking about standardized tests causing a spoonful of Half Baked ice cream to roll down my shirt and onto my pants as I hold a quesadilla, yes? Yes? Someday some average fellow will find it endearing that one time I once found a piece of shredded cheese...
May 1st
107 notes
April 2013
18 posts
Apr 29th
27,040 notes
Apr 28th
5,182 notes
Apr 24th
336 notes
Apr 19th
12,462 notes
1 tag
on my way to steal your man
visualscott:
Apr 19th
3,356 notes
5 tags
Red Line.
Overheard on the CTA “I’m going to slide this itouch up my pussy when we get to the courthouse so they don’t take it away.”
Apr 18th
3 notes
5 tags
Red Line.
Overheard on the CTA “I’m going to slide this itouch up my pussy when we get to the courthouse so they don’t take it away.”
Apr 18th
1 note
Apr 18th
479 notes
1 tag
Apr 12th
27,000 notes
3 tags
The men that hit on me.
So, I was sitting at a bar where my works enjoying my sensible vodka cran cuz’ I’m a sensible bitch when this fairly attractive man started talking to me and this is what he said: Dude: Ugh, I’m hungry but I know I’ll just judge the burger and not be able to enjoy it…see I’m a chef so it’s kinda a curse. I can’t really enjoy food anymore. Me:...
Apr 11th
2 notes
Apr 6th
13 notes
Apr 6th
4,260 notes
Apr 6th
2 notes
1 tag
Apr 6th
2 notes
5 tags
Am I?
I can’t tell if I’m actually hungry or if it’s just that I know I have sweet potato tater tots in the freezer that is making me hungry.  Or is it Sweet Tater Tots?  Which is correct? 
Apr 5th
7 tags
Gross Man Moment
As I set on the train today with my runny nose and foggy head, I look up to notice a man vaguely looking at me. Soon, a seat closer to mine, directly across from, opens up and he moves to sit there. Moments after he sits down I glance up and something catches my eye……………………………… HE’S MASTURBATING.  Just sitting on the...
Apr 5th
1 note
1 tag
Apr 3rd
1 note
4 tags
Interesting moment
Okay. I believe in signs…like from God and what not. So yesterday I felt this need to pray, for a sign, like seriously, about this faux relationship that I have been in for… Let’s just say a long time. I had this urge to pray while I washing my hands in a restroom of a vintage store but I thought to myself that can wait until I get home and as soon as I opened the door to...
Apr 3rd
March 2013
7 posts
3 tags
I can't give a solid reason as to why
But I won’t get on the el if I’m the only woman on the car. I will simply move to the next car. Even if I never speak to the woman, which let’s face I never do, the silent sisterhood is comforting.
Mar 21st
1 note
I text back embarrassingly fast or three hours later there is no in between
Mar 21st
230,893 notes
Mar 21st
158 notes
3 tags
Mar 20th
Mar 12th
1 note
3 tags
Mr. Paul goes to Washington
Dear God, I never thought I would say this but Rand Paul gas a point.
Mar 7th
1 tag
Mar 1st
February 2013
10 posts
1 tag
Feb 24th
3 tags
Feb 24th
3 tags
Feb 21st
1 note
Feb 17th
680 notes
1 tag
Newsweek: On Seeing Lena Dunham Naked →
katespencer: When I was 10 years old, some moms in my fifth grade class organized an end of the year pool party for our entire grade. It was one of the first times I can recall being sent into a tailspin of anxiety for weeks, because it meant I had to wear a bathing suit in front of my… Wonderful!
Feb 13th
2,776 notes
3 tags
LENT!
I’m giving up chocolate this year and I’m already pissed with decision. This is going to be awful.
Feb 13th
1 note
Feb 6th
24,982 notes
1 tag
Feb 6th
1 note
Feb 4th
7,095 notes
Feb 3rd
9,113 notes
January 2013
8 posts
Jan 25th
4 tags
Comedy
So I made it on to the teacher’s attendance sheet last night in improv class. I’m not really sure what this means but I know he thought it was funny enough to stop everything during notes and just talk about the line. I was both incredibly embarrassed and proud of myself for making one of the funniest people on the planet laugh. What is the line you might ask? Well it’s certainly not something...
Jan 24th
2 notes
Jan 20th
82 notes
4 tags
Where did that come from?
I had a brainstorming meeting last night with the all lady sketch group I work with, this was mostly free writing but it quickly turned into us talking about our ex’s. Before I knew it we were all chanting “NICE WHITE GUYS ARE THE WORST!” Tell me why?
Jan 17th
3 tags
Remember that time Jake Gyllenhaal hit on me? And by Jake Gyllenhaal I mean the door guy at a local bar who vaguely resembles Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko. And by hitting on me I mean he flirted with me two months ago but I’m too awkward to do anything about it so he just looked at me a lot last night. Basically, I nailed it.
Jan 12th
2 tags
Jan 11th
2 notes
New Year Thoughts and Goals
1. Buy a TV. The only television I have ever owned was a birthday present when I was a child. Buying a TV is a sign of adulthood. First step, figuring out the difference between LED and LCD. 2. Go organic. In the food I eat and prepare at home. 3. Become more visible in the Chiago improv world. Through studying, performing, and tons hang time at various theaters around town. 4. Write...
Jan 2nd
1 note
Jan 1st
2 notes
December 2012
14 posts
BRITTICISMS: Interludes →
britticisms: Chicago makes you do the work. I’m not talking about the concept of “hard work.” And I’m not saying that Chicago is not great, or that it does not exceed stereotypes. But it makes you do the work. It makes you find the great friends, the fun scene, the perfect party. And it makes you build these… Yup.
Dec 31st
69 notes
Dec 24th
1 note
Dec 14th
429 notes